By Taylor Decuir
The power of teenage girls’ friendships is widely recognized; this is reflected in buzz terms such as “girl squad'' used to describe female adolescent social networks. As parents, we recognize the increasing importance of friendships in the teen years due to the changing nature of friendships during the transition from childhood to adolescence. Children's friendships are limited to shared activities and interests, components of companionship, while adolescents' friendships become defined by closeness, a component of intimacy (Sears & Mcafee, 2017). An important feature in developing intimate friendships is help-seeking, the process of seeking guidance, advice, or emotional support. While help-seeking is a building block of female adolescent friendships, little research exists on the role of help-seeking in facilitating intimacy. Sears and Mcafee (2017), researchers from the University of New Brunswick, conducted a study to determine if a relationship existed between intentional help-seeking and emotional competence and self-disclosure, or the sharing of personal thoughts and information and if these through the nature of friendships based on companionship or closeness.
Sears and Mcafee (2017) hypothesized that teen girls would possess strong intentions of engaging in help-seeking. They also predicted that a direct correlation between emotional competence and self-disclosure would be present and that girls’ perceptions of their self-disclosure, emotional competence, and intentions would be indirectly influenced by the nature of their friendships based on whether the friendship is distinguished by closeness or companionship. Two hundred and twenty-two Canadian high school girls in ninth through twelfth grade, between the ages of fourteen and eighteen, were selected to participate in the study. Participants completed multiple surveys that required them to rate perceptions about their capacity for emotional competence and self-disclosure in friendships, perceptions about their closeness to their friends, and the likelihood they would seek help from friends. Based on responses, Sears and Mcafee (2017) concluded that while there was no evidence of a direct relationship between emotional competence and intentional help-seeking, they found a direct correlation between perception of emotional competence and the nature of friendships defined by closeness or merely companionship. Responses from the survey also indicated that girls were motivated to engage in help-seeking. This finding is consistent with previous research that emphasizes the preference of friends over parents as sources of advice and guidance for teens as their social networks expand.
It can be hard to watch your children rely on their friends for advice more, but this is a healthy sign of effective socialization and competence skills that will benefit your children later in life, regardless of gender. For example, when contrasted with girls, boys often have larger social networks consisting of companion-based friendships, often at the expense of intimacy. This results in boys having lower levels of self-disclosure when compared to girls. While this is probably unsurprising, considering society's expectations for boys to be less verbally expressive, boys should be encouraged to form intimate friendships the way we expect our daughters to do. Girls welcome help-seeking when they view their friendships as worthy emotional investments they can draw upon for emotional support. It is time boys have this opportunity, too.
References
Sears, H. & Mcafee, S. (2017). Seeking help from a female friend: Girls’ competencies, friendship features, and intentions. Personal Relationships (24)2, 336-349. https://doi.org/10.1111/pere.12180
Shutterstock. (2020). [Teen girls at a slumber party] [Photograph] Mom Junction.
